top_kek_futbol_leaguefandomcom-20200214-history
Zenit Simon FK
Zenit Simon FK is a Top Kek Futbol Club, currently playing in the Top Kek Futbol League. Since it's founding in April 2014, the team has been managed by Phil Lowman and captained by the legendary Olav "No drugs, just Norway" Henriksson. |- ! style="background: #AAA; " | } |- | }}| - width="45%" Manager width="65%" } -|}} }| - width="45%" Owner width="65%" } -|}} | width="45%" | IRL Manager | width="65%" | } |- | width="45%" | Team color }|s|}} | width="65%" | }}| | }}" | }| width="50%" style="background: # }; height: 8px; " |}} |} |- | width="45%" | | width="65%" | } |- | width="45%" | Highest rank | width="65%" | } ( }) |- | width="45%" | Lowest rank | width="65%" | } ( }) |- | width="45%" | Top scorer | width="65%" | } ( }) |- | width="45%" | Top assister | width="65%" | } ( }) |- | width="45%" | Captain | width="65%" | } |- |} |- ! style="background: #AAA; " | Historic performance |- | colspan="2" align="center" | |- | colspan="2" | }}}} ! style="font-size: 120%;" | } ‒ } | width="40%" | }}} |- | colspan="3" align="center" | } |- | |- ! colspan="3" | Biggest defeat |- | width="40%" align="right" | }}} ! style="font-size: 120%;" | } ‒ } | width="40%" | }}} |- | colspan="3" align="center" | } |- | |- ! colspan="3" | First match |- | width="40%" align="right" | }}} ! style="font-size: 120%;" | } ‒ } | width="40%" | }}} |- | colspan="3" align="center" | } |} |- ! style="background: #AAA; " | Meta information |- | }}| - width="45%" Alternate Goal Horn width="65%" www.youtube.com}}}/ }|}} |- }| - width="45%" Alternate Goal Horn width="65%" www.youtube.com}}}/ }|}} |- }| - width="45%" Alternate Goal Horn width="65%" www.youtube.com}}}/ }|}} |- | width="45%" | Nickname | width="65%" | } |} |} Club History The story of Zenit Simon FK begins in the town of Skjolden, in the province of Sognedal, Norway. It was here that club founder Olav Henriksson was born, to his already prestigious father, Erik the Banterous. Olav loved futbol from a young age, and was quick to show talent at a local level. However, he soon caused controversy by developing his flambouyant, but utterly revolutionary "Edge-of-the-box-Scorchaaaaa!" style of play. This style was so controversial, and, to the dismay of his opponents, effective, that Olav was banished from his local Under-9s futbol club. Enraged, desperate to prove himself, and with nought but his father's blessing and a wooly hat, Olav set out into the wide world to seek evidence that his "Edge-of-the-box-Scorchaaaaa!" style of play was "100% legit". On his many travels and adventures, Olav, among other things, obtained Croatian citizenship, slammed home one of your finest belters, had an affectionate relationship with a beautiful young lady and purchased a Skoda Fabia. It was on one of his many adventures, on the Norfolk Broads, that Olav had an encounter that would change his life forever. Completely devoid of warning, a chance meeting occurred between Olav and that mightiest of beings, Simon Mote, Champion of the Frozen Baltic. For many days after his encounter with this mysterious wonder, Olav pondered the majesty of what he had met. Eventually, he could stand it no longer, becoming so enraged that there was no Top Kek Futbol Team that played for the honour of Simon Mote, and of course banter (later to become the team's motto), that he decided, that day, to form such a team himself. With this purpose on his heart, he sought out Phil Lowman, and old friend he had met long ago during a hairy encounter with a... well, a really big hairy thing, and requested that Phil manage this new team. Phil, delighted with this opportunity for bant, and even more so after hearing of the involvement of other such greats as Chris Gilmour, Makday and the elusive GWD, happily agreed. As manager, Phil signed the team up to the recently spawned Top Kek Futbol League, where the club remains to this day, captained by none other than Olav. Zenit Simon FK have yet to play a competitive match. Pre-Season Scandals 2014 On Monday April 21, 2014, the Top Kek Futbol League showcased a few of the competitor teams for the season to come in a series of "test matches". In one of these test matches, Zenit Simon FK faced the already notorious side, fuck tribunal. In an exciting match, Jankos secured a brace of close range finishes and Phiollllllll scored a debut goal for the club. Weixao and Uzi also showed fantastic form for fuck tribunal, terrorising the ZSF defence and making major contributions to both of fuck tribunal's goals. However, the highlight of the match for The Simons was without a doubt Captain Olav Henriksson's thunderous left footed volley from the edge of the box, which blazed past the keeper and into the net. It was this immaculate demonstration of Olav's signature "Edge-of-the-box-Scorchaaaaa" technique which prompted league officials to introduce a handicap as a form of protection for any team bold enough to play against Olav Henriksson. This took the form of a statement issued not three days after the "test game" series. The statement was issued by the mysterious league chairman GWD, to ZSF manager Phil Lowman, and said simply that some players, due to their towering stature, had been handicapped by the league authorities, with their weak foot performance being deliberately capped. Without a hint of emotion on his face, GWD informed Phil Lowman that Olav Henriksson was to be one of those "nerfed". Olav Henriksson responded that he would continue to "give my beastly Norwegian all for Simon, for Banter, and for the Club." Critics were left speculating as to how much of an impact this would have on Henriksson's, and Zenit Simon FK's performance at the beginning of the season. Regardless, that blistering left footed strike on a fresh April afternoon was a moment that will endure in any true Simon's memory for many years to come. Players